So Pretty

Tonight, on the drive home from daycare, Belle said she wanted to go see Grandma.  I reminded her that Grandma had gone home in the morning, but that we would see her again in three months.  BUT in one month, we would see the OTHER grandma's and grandpa's.  I told her "In one month, we're going to see Grandpa Ray, Grandma Orveen, Grandma Vicki, Grandpa Harold, Uncle J...." to which she replied, "Yes. Uncle J so pretty."

I couldn't stop laughing. Silly girl.

Slow it Down!

I feel like I JUST put Belle into 3T clothes (it was early fall) and last weekend, I had to go get her some new clothes in a 4T.  She is just getting so tall and growing up way too fast! All her 3T shirts have become belly shirts and her pants are just so tight the poor little Peanut can barely move!  So, it's up to 4T... at barely age 2.  I'm not too sure I like this!

Fears

So, I haven't really voiced any of this before today, so just bear with me... First, this pregnancy has been really wierd for me.  I don't feel like I have been really that connected to this baby yet and I believe it stems from fears that I am trying to face... First, when I first found out I was pregnant (it was a Wednesday) and I was only about 3 1/2 weeks.  And once again, it happened so quickly that I was very disbelieving, yet, it was real.  However, that following day, I found out that my cousin had miscarried.  She was 14 weeks.  I tried not to panic about that, but that weekend, I started spotting making ME freak out that I was going to miscarry as well.  So, I waited a few days, took another pregnancy test (or 3 - whatever) and they were all positive.  So, it was still all good.  A couple weeks later (before I saw the doctor for the first time), I was spotting a little bit again, causing more stress and anxiety, but the tests still said positive.  When I went to the doc for the first time, she said this was normal, I was still pregnant and not to stress about it because that will just make it worse.  So, I tried not to stress about it, but getting to that 14 week mark was a real bitch.  I mean - it was really stressful and nerve wracking.  But, I finally made it around Thanksgiving and WHEW! A few weeks free of that kind of stress.  Things were going pretty good - except for work which was killing me - stressing me to the max with working late, keeping me from my husband and daughter, etc.  THEN comes December.

 One of my co-workers' wives delivered their baby at 26 weeks.  She was 1 lb 11 oz.  Made me freak out slightly, but I thought "no sweat - this one is staying put! I'm am blessed!"  About a week later, another friend of mine delivered twins at just shy of 26 weeks.  They were both under 2 lbs.  They lost one of them.  At the end of November, another friend was hospitalized at 26 weeks with her first.  Luckily, they were able to stop her contractions and her little guy stayed in to reach full term.  At 22 weeks, I had my first real contractions, brought on by stress from work and working a 36 hour stretch with less than 2 hours of sleep.  Really made me freak out.  I have been having real contractions (with a LOT of Braxton Hicks contractions) several times a week since, but nothing the doctor is worried about because they are not steady.  Needless to say, this 26 week mark has now been absolutely terrifying to me.  I have been having nightmares about having this baby at 26 weeks or earlier.  Now I have made it this far... I am hoping that once this week is over, a huge portion of this anxiety that I have been feeling will melt away and I will be able to get on with enjoying the rest of this pregnancy and bonding with the new Little Lumsden.

 Here is a photo from today.  Our 26 week mark.  Let's hope we make it to the 36 week mark! :)

25 weeks

Well, the good news is that apparently, Nick really did just take a really bad picture last week because I look much less like a house this week and more like a little cottage... :)  I was seriously getting worried comparing last week's photo with photos from being pregnant with Belle and my belly was looking about the same size as it was at 36 weeks last time, at 24 weeks this time!!! I was frightened!  But this looks MUCH better! :)  Anyway, here is the 25 week picture.  Only 15 weeks to go!

Struggles

I am doing a lot of struggling lately... Trying to figure out what I want to do with my career.  I am over this engineering stuff. It used to be fun, but is no more.  I do not enjoy what I am doing which is making my job search even more difficult as I am not sure this is what I want to do for the rest of my life or ever for the next 5 years... I am struggling trying to figure out what I want to do, what I want to be when I grow up.  Ideally, I would be able to do something that would make money from home; something that I love to do; something that would allow me to stay home with my daughter and new baby.  What is this dream job? Why have I not been able to figure it out yet?? Hoping for an epiphany soon.

24 Weeks

Made it to the 24 week mark this week.  Had a doctor's appointment today to check everything out and all is going well!  I feel like a truck though... much bigger than last time at this time, I think.  But that's supposed to be "normal"??  Anyway, I talked to the doc about all these contractions I've been having and she said it's fairly common after the first one because you are so busy chasing the others around that you are just moving way more than with the first one, which tends to cause more contractions.  She said it's nothing to worry about unless there are more than 4 in an hour and then I have to call to make sure everything is okay. Sooooooo.... nothing to worry about for now!

Had my glucose test today to screen for gestational diabetes.  Hopefully it comes back okay.  Didn't have the best lunch to prepare for that test!!! But it was delicious!  Next appointment is at 28 weeks and will have the rhogam injection then for being RH negative.  And then it's bi-weekly checkups from there.  Here's hoping we win the lotto between now and May so I don't have to go back to work afterward!!!

Big ole belly pic

Poem

My friend posted this on her facebook today.  It made me cry.  Such a beautifully written heartbreaking poem to describe how she is feeling for her husband with the loss of their baby boy last month... I had to share.

A Husband's Grief
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.
-Sarah Gutchak